


SamxRyuzaki

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Light Is Not Kira, Bruises, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hiding, Hurt L, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Light helping L, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Scars, scared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:11:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4514475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>L has gotten into an abusive relationship with a man name Daniel. When the Kira investigation started Daniel was in the US for business, but shows up at the tower where L, Light and the others are researching Kira. Light has given up being Kira realising that he would never be able to be friends with L if he was Kira, so he had given up ownership of the note book and all the shinigamis' had gone back to their own realm. When Light finds out about the abuse that L is suffering he needs to find a way to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The detective group investigating Kira’s case were all sitting in the main room. Every detective was doing their own job- and as usual L was sitting at the computers in his usual hunched up position and Light was sitting in the chair closest to him as the chain connecting them would only allow them to sit that far apart.

The room was silent apart from the occasional turning of paper or clicking of a computer mouse or key board. Every detective lost in their own mind trying to figure out who Kira was including Light who had given up being Kira, wanting to be close with L, he had given up ownership of the notebook and remembers nothing of being Kira.  
Suddenly the silence was broken by Watari’s voice coming through the speakers in the room.

"Ryuzaki. He’s here, and yes I mean him…" Watari’s voice trailed off. All of the detectives looked at L together. None of them saw a movement in L, except Light, who saw the slight tensing of L’s shoulders. 

"Are you sure, Watari?" L said trying to keep his voice from wavering, "Are you sure it’s him?"

"Yes, Ryuzaki, I’m sure it’s him. He’s on his way up right now." All of the people in the room, this time including light, were all confused about who this guy really was.

"Thank you, Watari." Just as L said that the door opened and a man stepped in through the door. He had black hair and was wearing a pair of jeans and a dress shirt. All he had on his feet were socks and he looked very at home. All the detectives stopped what they were doing and stared at him. The man opened his arms facing L and shouted ‘Babe!’ L stiffened slightly and spun round in his chair. He lifted his head slightly so he could look the man in the face.

"Hi, Sam…" L spoke quietly as if he didn’t want the others in the room to hear.

"Hey, babe, come on that’s not any way to greet me. Don’t you want to see me?" He laughed but his face darkened, "Or is it that you’re embarrassed by me?" he hissed cruelly placing a hand on L’s shoulder who stiffened even more at his touch.

"N-no of course not. I’m just surprised to see you is all. I thought you would be in the States a little longer…" L trailed off. Light was watching the encounter closely and there was something very wrong with this scene. L was trembling and stuttering. He didn’t like it.

"Well, okay then. I guess we’ll talk in private later then." L’s breath hitched in his throat at that, no one knew what that comment really meant for him. Daniel leant down and placed a quick chaste kiss on L’s lips. Daniel leant back and faced the room of detectives who were all watching. Matsuda even had his mouth hanging open.

"Go on L. Aren’t you going to introduce me to our audience?"

"Yes, so sorry, that was rude of me." L spluttered. "I’d like you all to meet Sam. Sam has been my boyfriend now for around 1 and half years." Sam smiled proudly as if L was the best prize at a carnival that he had won. Light felt his mouth fall open but quickly closed it. He had no idea what-so-ever that the detective would swing that way. Daniel turned to look at L and opened his mouth to say something when his eyes averted and spotted the chain that bonded L and Light together. A smirk found its way to his lips. He looked at L and picked up the chain.

"What’s this L? Is MY boyfriend into SM? Or maybe BDSM?" Sam laughed. "If so you should have told me. We could explore into this if you want – I wouldn’t mind." L shifted uncomfortably in his seat under the watchful gaze. L opened his mouth to explain but was cut off by his boyfriend again. "But my main concern is why you are chained to HIM" he put a stress on ‘him’ as he pointed an accusatory finger at Light.

"Sam,” L’s voice was tense as he tried to explain, "this is Light he’s under suspicion of being a killer named Kira so to find out whether or not Light is truly Kira I have to be with him 24/7, there is no other reason I am chained to him. I swear…" L put a very large stress on the word ‘No’.

"Okay," Sam said simply, and L let out a tiny sigh of relief. "Well, you’re busy so I guess I’ll talk to you later." Sam lent down and placed another kiss on L’s lips causing L to tense but he kissed back, his hands griping his knees tightly. Sam stood up and walked back to the door opened it and said to L without turning around. "I’ll be in our room, I expect to see you there when you’re done, I’ve missed you and I want a proper welcome." L tensed knowing what he meant by that, and suddenly he had an even more sick feeling because he knew that Sam didn’t want Light to be there when he went to their room after he had finished working but L couldn’t untie Light, even if he would suffer even more later. His sole purpose right now was to catch Kira and Light had to be Kira and even though that was important he really was worrying about himself. He was scared. Everyone in the room was looking at him and for once he was glad he was naturally pale otherwise they would have seen the blood drain out of his face. He spun round to face the computer screen even though his eyes were blurred and he felt light headed. It didn't matter though.

"Everyone back to work." L spoke quietly and everyone did as instructed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Sam had left and waited in the bedroom, L didn't want to go to the bedroom,scared of what waited for him there.

The light radiating from the computer screen was the only thing lighting up the room. L and Light were still sitting in the same chairs as they were when Sam first entered. About an hour ago all of the investigation team had gone to bed and since then Light had fallen asleep in his chair while L’s eyes still scrolled over reams of text on the screen.  
Suddenly, Light gave a jolt and woke. L turned his head towards Light and from Light’s view L looked slightly creepy, the electronic light from the computer screen lighting L from just one side, hollowing out his eyes in the sockets with his dark sunken bags around his eyes like panda from getting next to no sleep and practically no decent nourishment. 

“Goodnight, Light. How did you sleep?” L asked as he turned his face back to the screen to look blankly at the text as he waited for Light’s reply to the question. The large window to the outside showed the stars - which put little dots of light all over the floor and over the bodies of the two detectives. 

“I slept well, thank you” a little surprised by the question, as he lifted his hand up to rub at his neck to sooth the crick that had gathered here. “My neck hurts a little from sleeping in the chair though. Shall we go to bed now? We should both go to sleep.” Light every single night tried to get L to sleep, he always suggests that they both go to bed but L would always just sit on the bed with a portable laptop and continue to work. 

L had fallen asleep once but he had fallen asleep in his usual crouching position. Light had rolled over to look at L better. L was beautiful, and he knew the man didn’t realise it and thought low of himself, even if he never said it or expressed Light new – he just knew that L was insecure. The way he always hid his body with those loose clothes. The way his feet would shuffle together, other signs of insecurity and a weak mental state were also present. He showed a lot of signs, and he showed them frequently.  
However, when Light had rolled over L woke with a start, flinched and raised his slightly quivering hands to cover his pale face, as if he were under attack or expected someone to hit him. Light had jumped from surprise but just looked at L and said ‘you shouldn’t sleep in that position. It can’t be comfortable, and it’s bad for your back.’ L had just dismissed it and said that it was fine and that he was used to it.

“No. I don’t need to go to bed, thank you for your consideration though.” L said but Light noticed the quiver in his voice, but decided not to mention it. L would think he’s trying to get close to him so he can find out his name and kill him, even though Light isn’t Kira. Light sighed at L’s answer.

“L.” Light chuckled slightly. “Come on. Let’s go to our room. I’m tiered. Unlike someone I need sleep and the only way I can sleep comfortably is in a bed.” Light stood and pulled on the chain gently and playfully. “Come on.” L tore his eyes away from the screen and looked at Light.

“Light,” L said gently, “sit down. We need to keep working. Can you do an all-nighter tonight? Just tonight, you can get all the sleep you need tomorrow. Come on sit down.” L turned his face towards the screen and carried on reading the text. Light sighed once again and didn’t sit down. He pulled on the chain again.

“Come on, L. We’re going to bed. I need to sleep.” He turned towards to the stairs leading towards their room. The Chain was about to be pulled taught from the fact that L hadn’t moved, but L stopped anyway. The voice made him stop.

“Please.” The single word uttered, was so desperate it shocked Light into stopping. It dripped with a desperation that had been born from the core of a person’s being. L new that this was his last chance to stop Light from forcing him to go to bed.  
Where Sam would be.

The though haunted his mind. It just kept repeating it’s self in his brain as Light slept and his eyes rolled over the text. He knew that Light would wake soon and that he would want them both to go to the bedroom. L had only hoped that it would have been a little longer. He could have felt, well not safe… but he would have been able to but off the feeling for longer. The feeling of fear. The feeling of insecurity. The feeling of constant, unyielding, undying pain. Yet Light had woken despite all of his prayers and of course one of the first things he had said after he woke was ‘let’s go to bed.’ L knew he was sounding childish as he asked if they could have an ‘all-nighter’ but he didn’t care, this is important. 

“Listen, Light” he said his voice still dripping with urgency. Light turned round and faced L as he practically begged him to not make him go to his room. “We’ll move over to the couch. The couch is comfortable enough for you to sleep on and I’ll sit on the floor with the laptop. I’ll turn the brightness down to 0 if you want me to.”

“No, Ryuzaki. Let’s go to bed, it’s not like you’re going to sleep anyway. Plus, I’m sure your boyfriend will understand if he has to move because of the chain.” Light yanked on the chain in the direction of the stairs. 

“Light, please.” L said quietly. L sat in silence as Light stared at him in silence. The noiseless air sat heavy around them. 

“Okay, to the couch then. I don’t understand why, but okay.” L let out a quiet sigh of relief, the relieved breath that passed his chapped and chewed up lips as he sighed soothed him a lot, along with his lungs which had started to burn due to the fact that he had been holding his breath during the heavy silence that had settled as Light had tried to figure out the complicated emotions of the panda eyed man who sat crouched before him. Light started to walk towards the couch and L followed in his usual slouch with his arm stretched out to stop the chain rubbing their wrists, for more Light’s sake than his own, he didn’t really mind if the chain rubbed his wrist or not, but he didn’t want to hurt Light, what-so-ever. 

Light lowered himself onto the couch into a lying position, putting a hand under the pillow to make it high to support his neck better. The arm with the chain falling off the couch to better accommodate the detective on the floor. Light closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath between slightly parted lips. He let a shiver pass down his body.

L crouched on the floor reached under the couch and pulled out a small blanket. He stood and placed the blanket over Light’s slightly shivering body. L pulled the comforter up to Light’s neck, over his shoulders. 

Light’s eyes opened and he looked at L as L crouched on the floor again. Light shocked at L’s display. He rarely ever did anything affectionate. L just continued to tap away at the keyboard. So Light closed his eyes once again, and waited for sleep to take him.

“Light?” L spoke quietly, as if he already expected Light to be asleep and didn’t want to wake him if he was. “May I ask you a question?” He seemed nervous like Light was going to dismiss him. Light opened his eyes and looked at L, who was still looking at the computer screen. His hands gripping his knees tighter than usual.

“Of course you can, L. You don’t need to ask permission.” Suddenly, L turned his head to face Light. Looking Light in the eyes.

“Are you truly okay with it?” L asked. His eyes closing and letting out a shaky breath. He opened his eyes again to look at Light. His eyes slightly hopeful but the hope was slightly dimmed as if he was trying to stop himself from hoping so it didn’t hurt as much when he heard what he didn’t want to hear.

“Am I okay with…what?” Light asked with confusion as he hesitated in his words trying to figure out what he had missed.

“With me being… being… a fag?” The last two words were whispered as if he didn’t want to say them. Light felt a furious bout of rage course through his veins in his blood like a white hot poker had touched all his nerve endings at the same time. Light shot up from his lying position into a sitting position, the blanket falling into his lap.

“What did you just say?” Light hissed. L in his crouched position shuffled away awkwardly due to his position. His eyes left Light’s and fell on Light’s chest. He raised both of his hands in a surrendering motion. Light suddenly felt sick at his outburst. He hadn’t even thought of the way L would react. L submitted to him. That wasn’t okay.

“I’m…sorry. S-sorry.” L stammered in pure and utter panic. Even though he had proven he could hold himself in a fight, as soon as he saw Sam it became natural for him to apologise and submit to everything. “I-I didn’t think you’d react that way. P-please don’t hit me.” L begged from his position on the floor.

Light’s heart broke as he saw L cowering. Light stood and L flinched violently, and moved his hands from the surrendering position to cover his face. Light fell to knees in front of L and put his hands around L’s small wrists and pulled his arms and hands away from his face. L grimaced in preparation for the first.

“I’m sorry for the way I shouted and got angry. I’m not angry with you. Not at all. Please… God above please don’t be scared of me.” L opened his eyes and looked at Light. Blinking slightly.

“I got angry,” Light continued, “because of the word you used. Are you listening to me, L?” L looked up at him and nodded. “You are not a ‘fag’. You are gay. Being gay is not a punishable offence and it’s not a dirty word. Being gay is fine. You’re fine. There is nothing wrong with you, and never NEVER let anyone tell you that there’s something wrong with you.”

L blinked in shock. He studied Light’s face and realised that not a single word that had left his lips had been a lie. Each word dripped with raw and real emotion. “Of course I’m okay with you being gay. It’s normal and it’s not like it’s a choice. You didn’t choose to be like this. Like you didn’t choose to be born with white skin. I wouldn’t hate someone because they’re black because it’s not a choice. They can’t help it and neither can you.”

“Thank you, Light.” L spoke quietly, almost in a whisper, and the appreciation was clear. “ I’ve never been told that by anyone. I’ve always thought I was a freak and that Watari only accepted me because I’m like a son to him and because of my brain. So thank you.”

“If I said I wasn’t okay with it, it would make me a hypocrite. I can’t say I disagree with homosexuality when I’m a homosexual.” Light smiled gently as he watched L’s face.

“You’re gay?” L asked.

“Yep.” Said Light. “Well, I know what you’re going to say but I need to sleep.” Light stood up as he spoke and made his way back to the couch and lay down. L followed with his arm outstretched once again. Light was about to pull the cover over himself when L got on the couch and lay stiffly next to Light on the couch. 

“Erm… Ryuzaki? What are you doing?” Light asked trying not to laugh at the way L tried to lie straight, obviously finding it strange not to be crouched over bending his spine. 

“I’m going to lie with you until you fall asleep. Is that okay, Light?” He asked nervously a little shake in his voice. 

“Of course. Of course you can lie with me.” Light said as he pulled the blanket over both of them. He placed a hand over L’s waist. L tensed. “Are you okay with me doing this?” Light asked carefully, not knowing L’s boundaries.

“Yes.” L spoke quietly in a dry voice. Light smiled and placed a quick kiss on L’s forehead without thinking. L tensed again.

“Sorry, that was kind of a habitual thing to do.” Light spluttered to apologise. “I didn’t mean to push you, I’d never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. Do you want to go sleep somewhere else or-?”

“No it’s okay. It was kind of sweet actually.” Light smiled a little bit. 

“Goodnight Ryuzaki.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light realises something, and it scares him.

The light shone through the large windows lighting up the entire floor, including the couch which both detectives had fallen asleep on under a blanket, tangled together in a sort of weird embrace. Arms and legs everywhere to the point it was hard to tell which limb belonged to which body. They had both fallen asleep in their day time clothes. Light in his dark grey t-shirt and black jeans and L in his usual white long sleeved t-shirt and blue jeans. L had even lain down with his back semi-straight.  
Suddenly, there was a pull on the back of the white shirt’s collar. The force of the pull cause the front of the t-shirt to dig into L’s neck so violently it pulled him off the couch onto the cold tile floor, choking him. Eliciting a quiet scream from L’s mouth. L reached up to pull the collar away from his throat so he could breathe, but the collar wouldn’t budge.  
A vicious voice found its way to L’s ear.  
“What are you doing, sleeping with him?” Sam’s voice hissed right next to L’s ear. Light had awoken from the scream that L made when he had fallen on the floor. And he had bolted into a sitting position straight away. He looked at L who was clawing at the t-shirt strangling him, then at the man who was pulling the shirt backwards stopping L from breathing.  
Sam.  
L might act like he’s not human, but he is and needs things that humans need, like air. Light was about to stand up and punch the fucker right off L but then he glanced at L about a millisecond before he stood up. L could see what Light wanted to do. That wasn’t a good idea.  
Light hesitated when he saw the look on L’s face. It was like he was begging him not to do anything too rash. L shook his head a little to let Light know not to do anything. Light didn’t want to hurt L more so he sat and watched, but got ready to do something and intervene if it got too violent.  
The relief that L felt when he saw that Light wasn’t going to intervene was immense.  
“S-am” L spluttered, trying to get his attention. Light tensed at L’s voice that sounded raw and strained. “S-Sam, l-let go…” L continued to claw at the shirt’s collar. His eyes started to flutter closed as he started to lose consciousness, “P-please…” L’s clawing started to slow as he closed his eyes. Light was about to jump from his seat to save L from this monster, but Sam suddenly let go of L’s shirt.  
L, limp, fell on his back - his head next to Sam’s sock covered feet. His thin, white hands cupped around his throat as he breathed deeply.  
L felt someone lift him up by his underarms and he didn’t struggle knowing it was Sam. His eyes fluttered open and the first this he saw were Light’s knees considering his head was limp straining his neck. He slowly lifted his head up and looked at Light’s face as he did so he made eye contact with Light, who was watching carefully. And even from the quick glance he saw that Light was close to intervening.  
Though he wouldn’t admit it out loud, he was proud of Light for not intervening, but he didn’t know what this did to the Kira case. Light could have been hoping that Sam killed him, so he wouldn’t have to. Or he could have not intervened because he understood that L didn’t want him to intervene. He didn’t know but either way he was glad that Light hadn’t intervened.  
Abruptly, L was sat in one of the computer chairs, so he stayed there as Sam blocked his view of Light. Light still sitting on the couch watching them.  
Sam looked in L’s eyes; his eye’s filled with what could only be the manifestation of all of Sam’s anger. If anger was shared as a whole by the human race Sam had taken more anger than his fair share.  
“Go on then.” Sam snapped. “Explain.” The last word hissed through Sam’s lips, dripping with burning, cruel venom. Venom meant to scold and poison any unfortunate enough to be touched by it. And L had been touched by that venom many times.  
“S-S-Sam, I-I-I… haven’t-t s-slept in days a-and I didn’t want to sleep in a chair o-or on the f-floor and the o-other c-couch was c-cold, so L-Light offered t-to get under the blanket with me, to help me keep w-warm.” L stuttered the entire time he spoke, and Light’s heart shattered. Sam’s hand shot up to L’s head and grabbed a fist full of L’s hair and pulled sharply. A soft yell was elicited from L’s lips as a sharp pain rushed through his head.  
“Why didn’t you come to bed?” Sam hissed not satisfied with the answer and suddenly Light got very nervous, ‘what the hell was L going to say to that that sounded plausible?’  
“S-Sam, please let go of my hair and we can t-talk calmly…Please?”  
“Why. Didn’t. You. Come. To. Bed.” Sam punctuated each word with a hard tug of L’s hair.  
“B-Because, Sam, Light wanted to d-do some more research when I wanted to go to sleep, and b-because of the c-chain,” L lifted his arm which had the chain on to emphasise his point, “he would have had to come with m-me to our room and I-I didn’t want to wake you.”  
There was a pause as Sam contemplated what L had just said, trying to find a lie in L’s words.  
Without warning, Sam’s hand left the top of L’s head and rested it gently on L’s cheek as he did so L flinched so horribly he almost fell off his chair.  
“Hey, hey, hey.” Sam said gently “Don’t worry I would never hurt you without reason, don’t be scared of me. Come on, I’m your boyfriend. I only hurt you sometimes because it’s what’s best for you. You know that right? You know that’s what’s right for you. Would you rather be hurt a little bit by me, or be hurt a lot by someone who you barely know?”  
“Hurt a little by you…” L’s voice barely above a whisper. Light couldn’t believe the scene that was going on in front of him. He couldn’t believe what he was doing…  
He was just sitting there.  
Watching the disturbing scene- L stuttering and flinching and saying that he preferred to be hurt by this monster. It was like Light was having an out of body experience. Like he was watching a movie.  
A horror movie.  
He was watching himself, and all he saw was a coward. A coward who wouldn’t move to save a man he really liked-a man who didn’t even know he needed saving. By God did he need a hero now, and Light who could be L’s hero, couldn’t move all he could do was stare and he hated himself for it.  
He had never hated himself so much.  
Sam lent in and placed a quick chaste kiss on L’s chapped lips. Then another. Then another. A few seconds later the ‘couple’ were making out. After a few minutes of L and Sam kissed and Light sitting awkwardly watching them, being held there by the chain, they broke apart and Sam rested his forehead against L’s forehead and placed one more chaste kiss on L’s lips.  
“You know I love you right?” Sam said quietly, looking into L’s eyes.  
“I know,” L replied, “I love you too.” L finished.  
“I’ll let you get back to your work.” Sam stood up and walked up the stairs.  
Light sat there in shocked silence. A sick feeling rising from his gut as L stared at him. L had meant it. He had said it with sincerity in his voice. Those words. There was not acting or faking, he really meant it.  
‘I love you too.’ L had said it and meant it. L loved a monster.


	4. Chapter 4.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is being split in half due to the length. The task force starts to think something is up with Sam.

L was looking at the computer screen, once again in his crouched position. Still chained to Light who appeared to be looking at the computer screen and reading, but really he was looking out of the corner of his eye at L. Light sometimes did this- sneaking peeks at L because, to put it simply he enjoyed looking at L. But he knew if he did it obviously L would become uncomfortable and his father would probably figure out that he was gay. However, currently he wasn’t looking at L because he simply enjoyed looking at him- he was looking at L because he was worried. Last 2 nights ago L had openly and honestly admitted his love for a monster, which should be behind bars.

Yesterday, the day after the night with Sam pulling L off the sofa. L seemed fine, and that worried L. Any normal person who wasn’t used to that kind of treatment and didn’t find that treatment normal would be slightly off. Light knew that he would have been a little off if he had been treated like that. 

Thinking about it, L was acting a little strange. But that was before the sofa incident, he acted strange as soon as he saw Sam step one sock covered foot into the building. He was flinching and jumping every time there was a loud or sudden noise. Or if someone came into his personal space with a much of a warning. Or when someone handed him something. It was like he was just waiting for someone to hurt him. 

Light couldn’t imagine living like that. Always afraid that someone was going to beat him, or hurt him. It must be miserable and lonely.

For example, yesterday L was sitting with his back to the rest of the investigation team when Aizawa got him a drink of hot chocolate and placed a hand on L’s shoulder to get his attention to give him the drink L flinched, let out a small gasp ducked his head and scrunched even more into himself if that were possible. His whole frame tensed and when Aizawa didn’t move just stood there in shock, with his hand on L’s shoulder, it broke Light’s heart when he saw the clear relief of no blow hitting him cross L’s face. L simply slightly relaxed, and turned and took the mug from Aizawa’s hands thanked him quietly in a whisper and continued to say ‘Sorry for doing that, you surprised me is all, I didn’t hear you and I was absorbed in the reading material.’ Aizawa apologised and clearly was shocked and hurt that L reacted that way to his touch- it’s like when the second Kira killed a police officer and Aizawa tried to go and help and L didn’t let him, he had grabbed L out of anger and he had grabbed him quite forcefully. L had flinched and curled in on himself and started to shake. 

Like he did when Sam grabbed him.

It was clear that Aizawa remembered when that had happened, and it hurt because it seemed like whenever Aizawa got close to L, L became fearful. And it hurt Aizawa he didn’t want L to be scared of him, in the end L was still a child, not matter how brilliant. He was only in his twenties, still practically a baby. And Aizawa’s move out of anger scared him and that fear had stayed in L’s head and made him wary of Aizawa’s touch. And damn that hurt him like a bitch. 

Light let his eyes move from L and back to the computer screen, still baffled by his fellow detective, but right now the mystery wasn’t to figure out L but to catch Kira.

The room was silent and quiet padded footsteps became heard from down the hallway. Sam. Light glanced at L who tensed slightly. He had heard.

Sam walked into the room wearing a band t-shirt and some jeans and his classic white socks. L just continued to read off the computer as Sam walked over to his seat. Sam stood to the side of L and crossed his arm. Everyone in the room now looked at Sam, and Aizawa who didn’t even know about the ‘sofa incident’ didn’t like Sam. He got a bad vibe from the man. But it wasn’t his place to express his opinion, he was L’s boyfriend and L wouldn’t date someone who was a bad person right?

“Get up.” Sam said after standing next to L for around 30 seconds without recognition from L. L looked at Sam and stepped off the seat and stood slouched close to Light so the chain didn’t pull. Sam looked at L and tutted and L flinched only a tiny bit at Sam’s displeasure.

‘He won’t hurt me in front of the other members of the investigation team.’

“You know I don’t like it when you slouch.” Sam continued, and L only looked at him not offering a response. Sam then proceed to step around L and sit in the seat that L only a few moments was sitting in until Sam told him to get up. L looked at Sam confused. All of the rest of the task force stared at Sam in slight shock. Everyone in the room felt a little bit of anger pass through them, especially Light and Aizawa.

‘What the fuck was the point in that?! There were plenty other seats, why did he take L’s seat for any other reason to be a dick?’

Sam stared at L who just stood there -knowing that none of the task force was currently working, but rather opting to watch Sam and himself. Sam then proceeded to pat his lap clearly indicating what he wanted from L.

He wanted L to sit on his lap... in front of everyone.

“Sam, I don’t think that’s the best idea. I mean you know how I sit… all scrunched up. I don’t see how that would work.” L spoke as his cheeks heated up as he felt humiliated at being asked to do such a thing in front of the task force. But he knew he had to no matter how much he didn’t want to, or else he was going to be in even more trouble as soon as he unlocked himself from Light. Sam looked at him and clenched his jaw, not that anyone other than L saw, and then patted his lap- making it clear that L was sitting on his lap whether he did it willing or if Sam used force.

L ducked his and spoke quietly.

“On second thought, why not? You are my b-boyfriend.” L stuttered over the word boyfriend. He struggled with saying the word. He knew he would never be completely okay with being a f-fag, sorry, being gay. He mentally corrected himself. Light told him he was gay, that he was not a fag.

L made his way over to the chair and looked at Sam’s lap trying to figure out the best way to do this. He suddenly became very aware of the task force watching him. He began to shake slightly and felt the back of his eyes burn of tears ready to fall from the humiliation that was filling his entire body, surging through his blood.

Aizawa was looking at L’s hunched back and saw the slight quiver in his movement. He felt a rush of anger towards Sam, who was pretty much forcing L to sit on his lap. He pretty much knew what L was thinking, he was thinking that all the members of the task force were judging him and were slowly losing respect for him, but none of the task force was actually thinking that. None of them liked Sam - he gave bad vibes. But Aizawa couldn’t imagine the humiliation that L must be feeling. He had never really shown any emotion- other than maybe a slight bit of anger, and that fear when Aizawa had grabbed him or came anywhere close to him.

L lifted his leg and placed his foot on Sam’s knee and went to lift his other leg but before he could Sam shoved L’s leg off his knee with such force that L fell to the floor and landed harshly onto his side and as soon as his side hit the wooden floor there elicited a loud crack from L’s body, a crack that echoed. L’s sharp yelp also echoed around the room for everyone to hear clearly. 

Every member of the task force shot to their feet and Sam just sat in his seat looking at L who lay on his side. Obviously struggling to stand again. Aizawa started to make his way over, to first help L up, and then beat Sam into a pulp. He didn’t like him and this only gave him a reason to do something that he wanted to for a long time.  
1) Hurt Sam.  
2) Actually help L.  
3) Show L that he didn’t need to be afraid of him and that he was his ally.

Suddenly, L’s face looked at him right in the eyes and held his hand up to Aizawa. 

A stop sign.

Aizawa slowed down and stuttered in his stride. L’s face was contorted in pain from the fall but the message was still clear- ‘don’t do anything’. So Aizawa stopped. L cleared his throat with a pained cough and put his hand over his lungs, the cough had obviously hurt him. 

“I’m fine, just a little tumble.” L slowly and shakily got to his feet.

“No.” Aizawa said angrily, “You’re not okay, your ribs just cracked- we all heard. And your ‘boyfriend’ just shoved you off his lap. Not to mention the fact that he pretty much forced you on his lap.” Aizawa spoke, his words dripping with venom. Aizawa looked at L who was standing a little more hunched than normal and his hand kept gravitating towards his injured side before falling back to his side as if he wanted to nurse his wound but never actually doing so.

Why did he seem so reluctant to ease his pain? Was he afraid to seem weak?...


	5. Chapter 4.2

“L seriously come on. You can’t not realise that this guy is bad news. I mean anybody who was with their significant other, who they actually loved, wouldn’t make them do things, like this guy is making you do! Why the hell are you with him?” Aizawa shouted at L. L flinched at certain words like ‘actually loved’ and ‘significant other’.

There were a few moments of stunned silence as everyone was shocked that Aizawa had just exploded like he had. And although they all agreed with what Aizawa was saying none of them was going to say it.  
“Aizawa, please. I love Sam- and I know that he loves me back. If he didn’t then why would he be here now, he would have left me. I mean it’s not like he’s dating me for my looks, is it? So therefore he must love the person I am.” L stared Aziawa in the eyes. Aizawa couldn’t understand what was happening in those eyes and what L was trying to convey to him. Was he telling him to stop and go sit back down? Or was he challenging him, challenging him to continue?

‘Well if it’s a challenge to continue shouting,’ Aizawa though bitterly, his vision dancing with anger, ‘I’ll rise to his challenge. I haven’t finished shouting yet- he had a lot on his chest that he needed to get off.’

“First of all, L this man is dangerous, I’m sorry to say L but he doesn’t love you. It was clear that you didn’t want to sit on his lap, and it was also obvious that you didn’t feel comfortable to tell him so. If my wife is ever afraid to stand up to me or even tell me something that I don’t want- because she’s afraid of something that I’ll do, then I’ve failed as a husband. Secondly, he could be dating you for your looks- I don’t think you give yourself enough credit you are attractive. Please, Ryuzaki, make him leave- he’s not good for you or us.” Aizawa let out a breath at the end of his rant obviously tiered. He didn’t care how L reacted he wouldn’t regret what he said- he’d bet no one had ever said something about Sam to L so harshly.

L closed his eyes and slowly lowered his head down so Aizawa could see the top of his head and L’s bangs fell in front of his eyes. L moved his hand slowly and let it rest on his injured rib he took a deep breath and pressed harshly and painfully, causing L to let out a pained gasp.

“L!” Light and Aizawa exclaimed at the same time as they both witnessed L purposely causing himself pain. Aizawa started to move forward towards L to stop him but once again L raised his hand to stop him but Aizawa couldn’t just stop this time when L was still painfully pressing his injured ribs. Aizawa grabbed the thin wrist of the hand that was pushing his ribs and pulled his arm away with a little too much force causing L to stumble into Aizawa’s chest.

Suddenly, Sam was out of his seat and grabbed L around the waist and pulled him away from Aizawa but in the process grabbing L’s ribs causing him to let out a strangled gasp. Because of the force Sam used to pull L away from Aizawa and the chain connecting L and Light, Light fell from his chair and onto the floor.

“Light!” Mr. Yagmai exclaimed as he shot out of his seat and rushed over to help his son. He pulled Light up.

“Dad I’m fine, I only fell off my chair.” Light rubbed at his wrist where that chain had pulled as he stood up.

“Don’t touch MY boyfriend you perverted freak!” Sam shouted at Aizawa.

“Oh I’m sorry I’m trying to help him when you seem idle about the fact that he’s causing himself pain!” Aizawa shouted back taking a step toward Sam who was still clutching L close to himself. Mr. Yagami put hand on Aizawa’s should and looked at L who was looking down and shaking slightly, looking like a child.

“Stop Aizawa.” He said gently. Aizawa turned his head and looked at his boss in shock with his mouth slightly open as he started to protest.

“Chief, are you serious? We have to- “ Aizawa stopped when Mr. Yagami lent in and whispered in his ear.

“Look at him, Aizawa.” So Aizawa did, and he felt his heart shatter into around a million pieces. “The poor kids shaking like a leaf. He’s scared and what you’re doing isn’t helping things, I know that’s all you’re trying to do, help, but I think this is enough for now. I don’t trust Sam and want to help L but this isn’t the right way to go about it. I promise we’ll find a way to help, but you need to stop now, do you understand?” Aizawa looked in his chief’s eyes he moved away and nodded,

“I understand.” Aizawa looked at L who was shivering in Sam’s grip and it made a cold rush of blood run through his veins, but he continued to look at L and tried to make eye contact as he spoke to him, “I apologise for my behaviour, Ryuzaki. Please forgive me for my rash actions.”

“It’s okay, but please refrain from such an outburst again. Thank you for the apology.” L spoke quietly with a slight quiver in his voice and there his heart shattered once again. With that Aizawa and Mr.Yagami turned and walked back to the couch and sat stiffly.

Sam slowly loosed his hold on L and without Sam’s body to lean against L stumbled at little still hurting from the bruised ribs. Sam walked back over to L’s chair and sat down and once again patted his lap, showing that the matter wasn’t over as everyone had thought. L walked over crouching over slightly more than usual still, trying not to show his pain but occasionally he would grimace and hiss in pain but quickly cover it up.

He stood next to Sam who sat in his chair and everyone in the room sneakily watched except for Light who didn’t try to hide the fact that he was glaring at Sam, but either Sam hadn’t noticed Light’s glare or he didn’t bother to spend another look on Light. 

Sam tutted when he saw that L was making no move to sit on his lap and grabbed L’s hips harshly. L let out a harsh gasp. Aizawa gritted his teeth and tensed his jaw when Sam grabbed L, but managed to sit still.

Sam lifted L off his feet and placed him on his lap where L sat stiffly, finding it strange not being hunched over with that numb pain in his toes and lower back which he had gotten used to a long time ago, so he barely noticed it anymore, but whenever he straightened out a sharp pain alays sent a message up his spine causing him to go still with pain and stiff because Sam was holding him by his hips, with a grip that was surly going to bruise. 

Light looked at L and saw the pain in his features, but didn’t say anything even if he hated himself for it, he knew that any comment he made wouldn’t be welcomed gratefully by L. That’s the only reason he had stayed quiet during the drama that just happened, even though he wanted nothing more badly that to punch Sam in his face. He knew the only way he could held L was to tend to him later, and even if L didn’t want help he would. He said he’d never force L to do anything- but this is something that if needed he will force him to do, this is for his health.

L squirmed in Sam’s lap for a few minutes in pain until Sam snapped and shouted;

“Stop moving! What the hell is wrong with you. Are you embarrassed or something?! I am your boyfriend. Are you embarrassed by me in front of all of you ‘friends’?”

“N-No that’s not it a-at all, Sam. I just d-don’t find this comfortable, you know how I sit normally and i-in t-this position I have my back practically s-straight.” Which wasn’t true, L’s back was still hunched horribly but by his standards he was sitting perfectly straight. “Also, n-never mind.” L stopped himself thinking what he was about to say be taken the wrong way.

“No what were you going to say!?” Sam shouted, wanting to know what his boyfriend was going to say. L sighed shakily knowing he wasn’t getting out of this one and spoke quietly, but everyone in the room could clearly hear him.

“I w-was only going to s-say, I-I don’t think th-that this kind of…of a-affectionate display isn’t r-really appropriate for this particular situation. N-not because I-I’m embarrassed but because this is a p-professional setting, that’s v-very strict.” L stuttered his entire way through the excuse, knowing he would pay for that comment later, but the pain in his lower back was getting worse, and he didn’t think he could take it.

“Well,” Sam started- simmering a little in anger trying to hold it in knowing that he couldn’t get away with teaching his lover a lesson in these circumstances. “Aren’t you the boss of this place, so can’t you do anything you want, and don’t you want to sit on my lap?” His voice dripping with pure, burning acid.

“W-well of course I want to sit o-on your lap, b-but I have a very hard i-investigation to t-take care o-of and w-we might b-be putting the o-others off.” L shook as he spoke.

Sam turned to the other members of the task force in the room and spoke, “Are we bothering you?” Aizawa badly wanted to speak up but he knew someone else would in his place who would be better and controlling their emotions.

“Actually,” Matsuda spoke up, “I don’t think it’s very appropriate for a work place, honestly, I don’t think any of us find this appropriate. Also Ryuzaki asked you not to, and I think you should respect that without questioning it.” Matsuda spoke quietly but strongly. 

“Oh, to hell with what you lot think.” Sam spat, “He’s my boyfriend and I don’t mind showing it.” And to everyone’s horror, Sam started to feel L up. He ran his hands down L’s side, not being careful of his ribs, causing L to hiss in embarrassment, fear and pain. Sam, in front of everyone, proceeded to grope across L’s thighs and then into L’s groin, where L jumped up and stumbled and fell to the floor pulling Light down with him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Ryuzaki!?” Sam stood as he shouted and L dropped his head and started to shake. Sam stood breathing heavily and started to move towards L, but stopped himself as Light stood up from the floor as all the investigation team did. “Fine then. I’ll talk to you later, L. I love you.”

“I love you too, Sam.” L replied quietly from the floor shaking and trying not cry, not that anyone could see. He was so damn embarrassed. He blinked back the burning liquid behind his eyes. Daneil lent down and pressed a soft gentle kiss on L’s cheek, stood and walked out the room. 

Light lent down and helped L to his feet which L grumbled about, but was secretly grateful for the help because of his ribs and whispered a quiet thank you to Light who just nodded in reply. L sat down in his usual squatting position but gasped several times at the pain because he was scrunching up his ribs.

The team all got up and all walked over to L and stood around him. Mr. Yagami opened his mouth to start talking. 

“Ryuzaki-“ but was cut off by L who started talking.

“Mr.Yagami I know what you’re going to say, but can we please talk about this another time, I feel like I have a migrane coming, so shall we cut it short for today, everyone go home or to your room or to wherever and relax. Have a break. Thank you for your work today.” L finished quietly as he always thanked them for their work. A surprise at first but it was nice to know that their work was being appreciated. 

Mr. Yagami sighed knowing that they weren’t getting any progress with L today but if that’s what L wanted he’d respect that.

“Yes, okay. Have a nice night Ryuzaki, make sure you get your ribs checked out and I hope that your head is feeling better by tomorrow.” They all bowed and left to go to their various places where they desired, but none of them would be able to relax after witnessing what they had just seen, especially Aizawa.

The door shut quietly leaving only L and Light, still shackled together sitting there in silence. When suddenly L put his head in his hands.

“Are you okay, Ryuzaki?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L's ribs, they're hurt and they need helping.

“Yes, Light I’m fine. Sorry about that.” L’s words came out with a slight sigh. Light wasn’t sure what the sigh was for; anger, exhaustion, relief.

“What are you sorry for? It’s not your fault…” Light said gently, trying to help as much as possible, God knows he needs help with the position he’s in at the moment.

“It is. I let him in here. Also are you okay?” L asked smiling a little, but it came out more as a grimace. Light looked at L with utter disbelief.

“Am I okay?” Light repeated slightly angry.

“Ermm… Yes, that’s what I asked.” L said uncertainly, not understanding what was wrong.

“Are you seriously asking that right now?” Light laughed in shock.

“Well you did fall off your chair, and the chain must have hurt you when I fell and yanked the chain.”

“L, honestly I don’t understand you, like really I don’t understand you. Your boyfriend pushes you harshly onto the floor and your ribs crack loud enough everyone in the room can hear them crack, and you’re asking if I’m okay when I only had a little tumble?” L looked at the floor and looked back up at Light with a small smile on his lips. “Anyway,” Light continued, “let’s get you sorted out then.” Light said as he stood up and made his way over to L.

L just sat rooted in place. 

“What?” L asked his brow scrunching together as he frowned not really understanding what Light was talking about. “Get me sorted out…” He said slowly trying to put everything together and figure out what Light is saying. Light laughed at little at L’s confusion, he as kind of cute when he was confused.

“I’m going to bandage your ribs.” Light said. And as soon as he said that L’s eyes went wide.

“You can’t,” L said in a rushed tone, “I don’t have any bandages anywhere, plus I don’t need you to. I’m fine, Light, really.” L was trying to hide the note of panic in his voice but he knew that Light could read it easily.

“One, L I know where the first aid kit is. It’s literally on the wall there,” Light said and pointed at the first aid kit on the wall closest, “Secondly, you do need me to. I want your ribs to heal- and I know you won’t go to a hospital because technically you don’t have an identity. So I’ll do it.” Light pulled his chair over and pulled the first aid kit off the wall that was hard to reach with the chain and the fact that L wasn’t cooperating but he managed it. He sat down in his chair and opened the kit taking out the small scissors and bandages and looked up at L.

L’s face had gone whiter than normal; it was like L was wearing white foundation on top of his pale skin. He looked ghastly. With his dark rimmed eyes and horribly pale skin. He looked ill, and Light was hit with shock and then concern. L was looking at him, but it was like he couldn’t see him. Like he was looking right through him.

He was breathing to fast and his heart was beating like a rabbits. Light was going to want to take his shirt off to bandage his ribs.

Light put his hand on L’s knee and shook a little, and panicked more when L didn’t respond.

“L.” Light said loudly as he snapped his fingers in front of L’s face. The snapping seemed to do it because L blinked and looked around until his eyes landed on Light’s face and studied it, before saying;

“Sorry, what is it? I just had a little dizzy spell, I’m fine.” L assured Light.

“Just don’t do it again, alright? You scared me.” Light sighed and L nodded. “Are you alright to stand up? Or do you need help?” Light asked. L shook his head and stood up.

“Why do I need to stand up?” L asked quizzically, unsure of what was being asked of him.

“So I can bandage your ribs silly.” Light laughed. “Can you take your shirt off please?” Light asked being careful knowing he was entering dangerous waters, he needed to make sure that L didn’t freak out.

“No.” L said bluntly. “I can’t take my shirt off. I’m shy.”

“Come on. I’ve seen plenty of shirtless men. Even on TV, don’t worry about it. I mean it’s not like I’m going to change the way I think about you just because I’ve seen you without a shirt on.” Light tried to reassure him. L looked at him, his eyes doubtful. 

L felt horrible for not being able to be comfortable around Light like he wanted to be but he was always like this with everyone, and this wasn’t something that could easily be changed. He was ashamed he hated his body. The shape of it. How frail and bony he was. He was gangly and pale. He didn’t even have tan lines. There were other reasons he hated his body, but he wouldn’t say them in his head and he wouldn’t say them out loud.

Light didn’t need to know, he didn’t.

“Come on, Ryuzaki.” Light pleaded. “This is important. This is your health.” Light tried to make L see that he needed to take care of himself. That his health was important and that he was important. 

“I can’t.” L said quietly lowering his head still standing in his crumpled position. Hand gently resting on his hurt ribs that must have visibly bruised by now.

Those two words sent a burning fury through Lights body. A fire of anger that touched every nerve ending and tickled every cell in his body. He had never felt hate like he felt now, and even though he had no grounds or proof Sam is part of the reason L wouldn’t take his shirt off. This was L’s wellbeing and the fact that Sam hadn’t fallen to his knees and begged for forgiveness for hurting him in the first place made Light so angry he saw stars in his vision. He didn’t deserve L, yet for some reason he had him. It was so unfair. L could have any man he wanted. He could do so much fucking better if he let himself, but Sam had tied him down like a balloon full of helium. And L was slowly deflating as time went on, and Light wanted with every fibre of his body for the string that held L down was cut and L could fly and be free, to do whatever he wanted.

“L listen to me. I just came out of school and I was in ‘Advanced Placement Biology’” Light spoke slowly and calmly, trying o show L how nonchalant he was and he was slightly proud of himself considering the fire that was lit inside of him. “If you don’t treat bruised ribs they can shift into the lung and put a hole in the Lung and that will cause Lung failure, which stops you breathing. It’s very painful and many have died from it.” Every word Light spoke was crap. Complete and utter bollocks. But right now he would tell L that he could sprout wings and talk using a second mouth that had grown on his foot if L let him treat his wounds.

“Don’t be self-conscious around me, Ryuzaki. I will never judge you. Anyway your body can’t be that bad. Come on take your shirt off, please. For me...” L begged. He would beg until he was blue in the face but he had to treat L.

“Do you promise,” L said quietly looking down at the ground as his thin pale white fingers worked at the seam of his white shirt nervously, “to not change the way you think or treat me or talk to me based on my body?” L’s voice trailing off.

“Of course” Light replied feeling a slight pang in his chest.

“No matter how bad my body is?” L asked, needing to clarify.

“I promise.” Light said, knowing to be slow and patient if it got L to let him treat him, he’d do anything.

“Say it…” L said. “Say that you won’t judge me on how bad my body is and that you won’t act towards me or think of me any different afterwards.”

“Ryuzaki,” Light lent forward in his seat and took L’s slightly shaking hand in his own and looked him in the eyes. “I will not judge you, change my perception, my opinions or the way I act or speak to you because of your physical appearance. I promise.”

L let out a breath and pulled his hand away and put his arms in a crossed motion holding onto the seam of his shirt and lifted it over his head as Light busied sorting out the bandages, tape and scissors to bandage Ryuzaki’s ribs. When Light looked up from his lap with the supplies in, L stood shirtless in front of him.

Light froze and his hand gripped rightly around the shirt edge of the scissors and cut his hand as a single hissed word left his lips;

“Sam…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry if the chapter is shorter or worse than normal I went back to school this week and today Wednesday I freaked and had to write it in one night, sorry. Also this is really important someone in my real life discovered my account so I will be changing my name. I will either be having 'silverfloorandwalls' or 'OctoberAgony' or 'NovemberWings'. Which do you prefer, I'm not sure so if you have my fic saved and you go to it through a link the link will no longer work so if you type in on google 'why ruzaki archive of our own' it should come up. Or to get to my profile you can type in my other fic. 'The tea cup the burn and the fear of Levi Ackerman and get here through my profile. Sorry for all the inconvenience I love all of you and hate to give you grief like this. So please tell me which name you prefer and as always point out mistake and any changes or things you'd like me to add to the plot. Awesome thanks all of you for sticking with me and reading this Authors note. XOXO love you lots.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's under L's shirt.

L’s body was covered in scars…

Every inch of his chest had a mark on it. Light felt bile rise in his throat looking at L’s chest. Words had been burned into his chest.  
‘Bitch’, ‘Fuck doll’, ‘Slave’, ‘Fat’, ‘Useless’, ‘Mine’. 

L’s body shook and out of shock Light raised his hand and covered his mouth. Not only were there words but there were burns and scratches covering the other parts of his skin. But the thing that Light’s eyes were drawn to was a burnt area on his skin, just above his left hip.

Where it was burnt the skin was a pinkish colour but in the middle of the burn was an area where the skin wasn’t as badly damaged so it was L’s natural skin colour. It had, in the undamaged skin. a pattern. A pattern that Light had seen many times. He would forever remember that pattern, especially now.

It was in the shape of an L in Old English font. L. L’s face to the outside world. He came up with it from a burn that his arsehole of a boyfriend gave to him. He didn’t know L’s real name, he only knew L’s aliases, something that he only had because it had been burned into him. The pain that L must have suffered. And every time someone called him L it must remind him of the scar that would forever be on his body.

Light moved his hand from his mouth the cover his eyes. The back of his eyes were burning. He didn’t want to cry. He had to stay strong but he knew he had failed when he felt a tear fall over the rim of his eye and he knew L saw it fall from under his hands.

Light felt L take hold of his wrists and gentle tug them away from his face. Light pulled one of his hands back and wiped the tear from his cheek, blinked his eyes a few times to clear his eyes and coughed.

“Light..?” L said quietly. Light pulled his other hand back from L’s grip and picked up the bandages.

“Let’s get you bandaged up then.” Light spoke softly, his voice wavering slightly. He was angry with Sam, he was beyond furious but right now he had a job. He was also pissed at himself for crying, and letting someone see. He hadn’t let someone see him cry for years, not since he was a baby.

“Light?” L said again. Light just stood up with the bandages. “Light” L said once more, trying to get Light’s attention. Light paused,

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?” L spoke really quietly as if a word from L might just break Light.

“Ye. I’m fine. I promise, please don’t ask me again. I just want to bandage your ribs so you’re okay again.” Light smiled a little for encouragement, “L before you say anything, no my opinion of you won’t change because of your scars. I don’t mind and if any one loves you like I do they won’t mind either. I mean it’s not your fault.”

“You love me?” L asked slowly as Light stood in front of him.

“I meant it in a platonic sense, don’t worry.” Light laughed, quietly scolding himself for his slip up.

“Oh okay then.” L laughed but he felt a little bit of disappointment in his chest, but he was still with Sam so why is he disappointed with the fact that Light wasn’t interested in him romantically, not that he thought he was, it just hurt that Light had confirmed that he would never love him out loud.

“Okay, can you try and stand as straight as you can please; I know it’s going to hurt. Sorry, but it’s going to be better in the future.” L without a word listened and lifted his hands above his head, wincing a little as he did but he knew it would hurt less later if he did this properly now.

Light took a little piece of tape and the end of the roll of bandage and stuck it to L’s stomach. He walked behind L to start wrapping without getting the chain tangled around them.

But when he got behind L what he saw made his stomach churn. L had more burn marks and words scratched onto his back but L had whip and belt marks all over his back. Light felt a sob rise from his throat and leave his mouth.

Everything caught up to him at once and Light fell to his knees and he put his hands over his face. He couldn’t help it, he just sobbed into his palms covering his face. He just kept repeating one phrase, ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry’. He just kept saying it over and over again.

Suddenly, L’s arms were around him, and Light realised what he was doing. 

“L, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t cry in front of you.”

“Why shouldn’t you cry in front of me?” L asked carefully, knowing that this was probably a sensitive subject for Light.

“Dad always told me I shouldn’t cry and if I had to I should do it alone behind locked doors.” Light sobbed harder as he spoke.

“That has got to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard in my life.” L said quietly.

“Oh, L.” Light sighed. “I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this, you never deserved this.”

“You don’t have to say sorry, it’s not your fault I have these scars, and I’ve grown to live with them. Yes, I hate them but I can’t get rid of them so all I can do is make sure people can’t see them.” L said stroking Light’s back. “Cry all you want. You won’t judge me on my scars, I won’t judge you on something that makes you human.”

So that’s what Light did. He cried out all the pain that he had bottled up for years, he cried for that pain that L had experienced. Ten minutes later, the tears over Light stood up and L followed.

Light continued to bandage L’s ribs, not looking at his scars. Light taped the end of the bandage, L’s ribs wrapped and healing.

“I’m going to kill him you know.” Light said as L slipped his shirt over his head.

“Sam? Why?” L asked confused. Light’s mouth dropped open as he stuttered;

“Because of what he did to you!” Light shouted but lowered his voice on the next sentence, “You’re covered in scars, you can’t think that’s okay!” Starting to get upset again.

“Not all of those scars were Sam.” L said slowly, seeming completely calm when he shouldn’t be, “A few scars were Sam but most of them weren’t.”

“Then who are they from?” Light said, trying not to snap because he didn’t want to seem like he was demanding L to tell him.

“My parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry if the chapter is shorter or worse than normal I went back to school this week and today Wednesday I freaked and had to write it in one night, sorry. Also this is really important someone in my real life discovered my account so I will be changing my name. I will either be having 'silverfloorandwalls' or 'OctoberAgony' or 'NovemberWings'. Which do you prefer, I'm not sure so if you have my fic saved and you go to it through a link the link will no longer work so if you type in on google 'why ruzaki archive of our own' it should come up. Or to get to my profile you can type in my other fic. 'The tea cup the burn and the fear of Levi Ackerman and get here through my profile. Sorry for all the inconvenience I love all of you and hate to give you grief like this. So please tell me which name you prefer and as always point out mistake and any changes or things you'd like me to add to the plot. Awesome thanks all of you for sticking with me and reading this Authors note. XOXO love you lots.


	8. Chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. I really am, I never wanted to be a shitty writer who left things in the middle, especially with that last ending. I am so so sorry, it really was a shitty thing for me to do and I'm not going to promise that updates will be regular but I will promise to try and write more often. I am working on other fics and I'm in an important year at school. That's not me making an excuse that's me filling you in on what's happening with me. So I feel like I kind of owe you this one. I hope you enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. I really am, I never wanted to be a shitty writer who left things in the middle, especially with that last ending. I am so so sorry, it really was a shitty thing for me to do and I'm not going to promise that updates will be regular but I will promise to try and write more often. I am working on other fics and I'm in an important year at school. That's not me making an excuse that's me filling you in on what's happening with me. So I feel like I kind of owe you this one. I hope you enjoy.

A murmuring conversation was going on in Misa’s room. She was out at the moment so L most likely wouldn’t be checking her room.

“Are we not going to do anything about him?!” Aizawa whispered, barely keeping his temper in check.

“Look, Aizawa, I honestly don’t think that we can. In the end he is L’s boyfriend even if he’s a piece of shit.” Mr. Yagami tried to reason but his words lit a spark in Aizawa.

“What? Are you serious? I know this is now mostly a job but I feel like we look after each other- especially with this Kira thing- even though it’s all died down somewhat we looked after each other and I really think that still applies here!”

“Look, if things get much worse we’ll intervene and say that it’s our duty as police men but right now to our eye and proof Sam hasn’t done anything to completely harm L.”

“He shoved him off that chair and-“

“Aizawa, L isn’t hurt too badly, he’s still up and moving.”

“Oh we should wait until he gets hurt before we do anything because that’s the right thing to do?” 

“Jesus Christ, Aizawa!” Mr. Yagami sighed, “we know L. I doubt he would let us help him and he said that he loved Sam.”

“How can you love such an abusive dick wad?!”

“I think we all forget way too often that even though L has one of the most brilliant minds on this Earth he is a child. He has said himself that he is childish, and love plays cruel games, especially on a young heart.”

 

“L, please explain to me what you mean?” Light exasperated.   
“Light, leave it be.” He spoke curtly but with an aurora of stiffness radiating the uncomfortableness of the situation which hung heavy in the room, and even though Light could feel the atmosphere like a brick colliding with his head he couldn’t let this drop. He just couldn’t, he had to know and if he didn’t do this now it would never be done.   
“No, you are littered with scars and you have just said they’re from your parents. Explain.”

“Light it’s not exactly hard to put together. You already know that I was a part of an orphanage, and even if you are Kira this will not help you figure out who I am anyway. But for such a smart boy I would think that you could put together simple facts and come to a somewhat obvious conclusion.” L did this a lot he’d noticed recently. 

And by recently he meant since Sam had reared his ugly head. L would go all stiff, and if Sam wasn’t in the room, his tone would become clipped and he would use too many words to express simple things which could be said in three words or less.

“Well I have a good idea about what happened but I want you to say it. Not because I want you to be embarrassed or anything but because you need to start opening up, and trusting people more. And before you say it I’m not Kira. I’m a friend who’s worried about you, like the whole task force, and wants to know why one of my only friends is covered in scars.”

“Well I can’t answer you with full certainty but I can say that my father either didn’t like me at all or like me a little too much…” L was standing and he shuffled his bare feet on the cold floor as he studied them. “That’s the end of the conversation Light Yagami.” He said his tone colder that normal, especially of late with Sam in the building.

“Oh L. Can I hug you, please?” Light said feeling a rush of emotion that he couldn’t quite identify or name but he could place somewhere between sad, pity and angry.  
“I-if you want.” L offered quietly. Light put his arms around his bony shoulders gently, feeling L tense up but choosing to ignore it. After a few seconds L loosened his muscles a little and a few seconds after he hesitantly lifted his arms and put them around Light, making L smile feeling like he’d won a small victory. Small steps.

Small steps will turn into normal steps. Then normal steps into a stride. A stride into a run. A run into a race and L will win the race and he will beat whatever imaginary thing that is holding him back inside of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have stuck with this even through it's hiatus thank you it really does mean a lot. Honestly it really means something. xxx So shout-out to people who have been here from the beginning and have stuck with me being a shitty author and an overall arse hole.


	9. Not an update you want

Okay, so this is not an update that you will want but I am abandoning this fic. I don't love it and it's a weight on my mind and that's not what writing fanfiction should be. I've fallen out of the death note fandom and I'm not dedicated enough to carry on this fic. So instead of just orphaning this fanfiction, because I think it would be a shame, I am giving anyone and everyone the right to write anything to add to this fanfiction. If you want t carry the story on yourself just send me a link to your fic and I'll put the link in so people can find a continuation. After about a month I'll be orphaning this fic and it makes me sad but I no longer want to be associated with it, although it is my most popular fic.

Sorry guys and thank you for all the comments you have left and I am now a much more confident writer in the things I write.

Sincerely Novemberwings.


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